The Kiss

We go into the movie theatre alone. There are people around but we are both talkative and don't notice if they are awkward or if they don't fit into our little world. I spend most of the time worried about what he's thinking as I convince myself that it's stupid to do just that. We are friends, just seeing a movie because he didn't get to see on in Kansas City. He paid, although I asked if he wanted me to. It's an encouraging sign that what I'm about to do tonight will be reciprocated.

He could just be a gentleman, like he was when he gave up his seat on the airplane to a woman with a baby. Did God intend for me to see his smile at the sight of a child laughing? His complacency at her cry? I shouldn't be thinking about this, he is just a nice guy. That's it. We are just here to watch a movie. THAT'S IT. 

We sit down in the back row. Not many people are showing up but that's alright. We sit and talk while we wait. I hear about his trip to California and his family, but being as he is he asks about my week. What was exciting? Anything new?

He is one of the only guys I have ever met that does this, that asks about my life after talking about his. 

We quiet down as the movie starts, and eat unbuttered popcorn. My self inflicted social expectations hit me like a four by two to the face and I eat daintily even though my gut tells me that he wouldn't mind one bit if I ate like a starving animal. The movie goes on, making us laugh here and there. He pulls his water out of my bag, every moment I am conscious of his movement and my heart beats faster every time he moves even an inch closer. As the movie is winding down, my anxiety peaks.

Is it really worth the risk? What if things turn out like Jason and things are never the same? We weren't exactly friends, but I don't want to be known as another Brittany. Well, in your defense, you don't go around kissing every guy. But you did like Jason, and Ben liked you and probably still does. You know what? I don't care what he thinks, I'm going to go for it. He makes me fearless and I want to know what it's like to do something spontaneous. 

Luckily the movie is one that has a secret scene at the end, and he likes to stay until the end anyway. We sit and whisper in hushed tones about how we thought the movie was. He seemed to really like it, but I couldn't get into it too much because something else was constantly in the back of my mind. Taking up every spare thought. The credits wind down and my heart can't beat any faster.

God, please let him receive this well. Or give me props for trying. Please let the feelings I felt in church last Sunday be reciprocated and not just the peak of lust.

"Danny I'm going to give you something. Close your eyes and stick out your hand, and tell me what you think."

He smiles the smile that makes the skin around his eyes crinkle into a beautiful fold and complies with my wishes. His hands lay open on his legs and his eyes are closed.

Come on Ashley, I wanna see you be brave. Just do it.

I take the note written just for him out of my pocket, lean forward gently kiss him on the lips and hand him the note. I could't decide what to write so I wrote both of the messages on it. Thank you on the side facing him and You make me fearless on the other.

Might as well say it all right now. Do or die.

My heart keeps beating and time comes to a standstill. What is he going to do?