He opens his eyes surprised and looks down at the note. It's hard to see in the dim light, but he manages to make it out. He turns it over and reads the other side, and then looks at me. This isn't what he had expected. Just as he is about to speak, the light comes on indicating the scene is about to start, so I turn around and give my heart some time to slow down its beats.
When the scene is over I turn back around to face him. His eyes are searching my face, for what I have no idea. Then he asks, "What was that for?" It isn't mean or bashful, it's just full of honest curiosity.
"Danny, you're amazing. You are very ind, selfless, a little funny, and you are the most I've ever seen a guy my age been gentlemanly. When Jenna, Azzi, you and I rode that dollar coaster in Kansas, it was one of the most fun and freeing things I have ever done. I want to keep living like that, do things to try them out, experiment and see if it's good. Be spontaneous. Plus I figured you deserved a proper thank you after KC and every time before that when you were different, and made a situation better. You're a special person Danny, and you deserve special recognition."
He sat and took that in for awhile. The lights came on, and he got up to leave, grabbing the half eaten popcorn on the way out. My face flushed red from embarrassment, and i followed him lout of the theatre, but not too close. When we got out, he took a left and started walking out. I followed like a kid who had been told not to touch the hot stove because I could be burned but did anyway. Halfway down the hallway he turned around and grabbed my neck. He pulled my lips up to his and I felt the power of his muscles and his kiss. It was enough to make me melt inside. When he pulled away, I asked: "So, what do you think?"
He smiled and said, "That was even better than the first time. But i don't know if we can do this. I leave in a few weeks."
"Well we can spend that time figuring out if this is something worth doing. That is, if you want to."
"I do, but Ben still likes you. I can't do this to him."
"Danny, I care about Ben, but I don't feel the same. If i did, I wouldn't have just kissed you. I'm not that girl."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"I'm going to get hurt anyways, but if there is pleasure before the pain, then it might be bearable. I'm not going to beg you, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I just wanted to know if you were interested or felt the same way."
Now that I had the upper hand, it was my turn to walk away. I walked past movie goers getting their tickets torn, hungry people buying popcorn and snacks. Is this really the way I wanted to leave it? All dramatic like in the hollywood movies? Right now I didn't care, I found out what I wanted to find and that was it. Things would be weird, maybe we'd acknowledge each other at the reunion but we had different lives to live. I willed the tears to wait until I was outside in the dark. Then they didn't come. It must've been a shallow feeling with no forthcoming tears. I walked out of the theatre and took a left back to the parking lot. All the scenarios ran through my head. I was back at square one with no experience, except of course the experience of being spontaneous. That's what I had told Danny I wanted to do anyway. God's calm came over me, and I began not to feel regret.
When i got to the car, i turned the lints on and just sat in the driver's seat analyzing everything that had happened. It must have been lust.
I wanted to sit until he had left so I didn't have to see him. That didn't happen. He came up to my window and knocked to get my attention. I jumped thinking it was strange for someone to do that. When i recognized Danny, I rolled down my window.
"Ye...yes?" Gosh I wish my voice sounded more confident.
"Can we talk? Outside?"
I considered saying no, but the only thing worse than knowing was the stress of analyzing all the possible answers.
"Ok."
I opened the door and leaned against it for support. In a split second, Danny had his fingers in my hair and angling my neck upward kissed me for the second time. This time his lips were soft and yet firm. All the worries in my head about how to kiss him back disappeared as our lips began to learn about each other. He pushed his body into mine against my little Subaru.
We came up for air, and he whispered something in my ear. Then the tears came.
Did we spend the rest of the summer together? Did I lose my virginity to him? Did our relationship blossom and continue through college? Did we eventually get married and parent three kids?
Only time will tell.
Maybe he won't insist on buying the tickets. Maybe he won't be so accepting. Maybe he's not interested. Maybe he cares too much about Ben, or is thinking of someone else. Maybe he'll compare me to Brittany and never be normal again. Maybe we will both be too busy to watch a movie together and we will both go on with our lives without him knowing how I feel right in this moment.
Dear God,
I pray that the series of events will come to pass. What i felt in church must mean something. I pray that Danny is the one. Please give me the strength and courage to follow through if these events come to pass and may my feelings be well received.
Thank you Lord,
Amen
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