Some Thoughts

there is a natural order to things. A way society tells us things have to be. Like recently. movies and tv shows have demonstrated that kids are the ones in control. I'll give you that when a baby first comes into the world, yes, they are the ones in control. They need to eat, and a caregiver must give them everything. But now society shows that kids and teens can just talk to their parents amy way they want, leave whenever they want and have numerous fun things to do at most given moments, not to mention the fact that the long boring moments of a life are montaged to appear fun. Its a lie, I don't think i have the moral compass that others do because I understand the logic behind it. It still bugs the crap out of me, but I get it. They do it because it works.

I've just finished the lifetime movie To Be Fat Like Me. I hate those types of movies that make me feel like I'm not doing anything. It was a great movie, a great message, but they're sending it to an 18 year old girl that hasn't accomplished what so many others have. There are my dreams of being a best selling author, of being thin, a mom, a girlfriend and eventually a wife. I try to tell myself to give it time. Well the mom thing definitely needs time, that's not happening yet. But do the rest really need time? Christopher Paolini published Eragon at 19. That's less than 6 months away. And the girlfriend thing, I've never really said yes. I have had several offers, but never made it happen. It seems that I always like the guy that just isn't ready. The wife thing is obviously waiting too. However the thin thing, its a conundrum. Do I want to be thin because I think that people will like me more because of it? I've been called cute and beautiful by so many people, most of them my parent's friends, but still. If they didn't see something, they wouldn't have said something. Do I want to be thin to wear the cutest clothes? Because I owe it to God, with being born small and the stretch marks that appear on my body, signs that I shouldn't be my size?

Ok, here are my solutions. Start eating better, learn to balance my time, volunteer, throw myself into the things that i choose. I can accomplish so much more if i do. Here's to that.